Got my sweat on

Exactly 1 month after my last workout, I got back to the gym.  At my blood draw on Wednesday, I got permission to resume exercise (and sex for that matter).  The nurse would like me to start back slow and easy, and "low impact" (talking about exercise here, not sex :p ).  I told her how much I enjoy running and we made a deal:  I won't do any Insanity videos if I can at least go for an easy jog.  My ovaries are likely still large because of the good response last cycle, so torsion is a risk.  I just need to stop if I feel any pain or discomfort.

So I started on the elliptical for 35 minutes, doing some fairly easy intervals.  Then I rode the stationary bike for 15 minutes, and followed that up with an easy mile on the treadmill.  Oh man - my ass hurts.  The spots where I was getting my PIO shots were sore!  They definitely hurt less as the run went on though.  It felt great to run again, but I cried for half of it.

I have definitely hit the anger and bitter stage.  I am pissed.  I just want a baby!  Josh wants a baby and I can't give it to him.  This whole thing isn't fair.  Its stressful, worrisome, time consuming, expensive....  Infertility is a bitch I wouldn't wish on anyone.

Christmas is this weekend, and I am looking forward to a long weekend off from work (very busy lately) and time with family.  I love exchanging gifts, eating wonderful food, and sitting by the Christmas tree.  I will do my best to focus on these things for the next couple days.  I'm not really excited about hearing the story of Mary's immaculate conception, but 'tis the reason for the season so I'll get through it. 

Side note:  my beta Wednesday was <1.0, so officially negative.  I should start bleeding any day now, once my progesterone and estrogen levels drop.

Chemical Pregnancy

Its over.  My beta today was 2.6.

I'm sad.  I'm also angry, frustrated, confused, heartbroken, and I don't know what else.  We transferred a perfect blastocyst into my uterus with perfect lining.  Everything was textbook.  What went wrong?  Obviously that little blast tried to implant - I got enough of an hCG rise to detect on a digital test.  Did I not rest enough after transfer?  Did I bend or twist or lift something a little too heavy?  Was the shower too hot? Did I not get enough protein or other nutrients?    Geez.... I know all of this is silly, but I can't help but wonder what the heck went wrong.  A little Dr. Google informed us that implantation failure is actually the least understood issue with the IVF process.  We will probably never get an answer.  Success rates aren't 100%, and even though we couldn't have asked for a better cycle, sometimes these things just happen.

I can't describe what it feels like to lose something you never really had.  I wonder if it would hurt any less had I not insisted on testing at home.  Had we waited for the blood test, we might not have been as shocked by the beta numbers.  But then again.... I had 100 times more hope for this cycle than any of the others.  So yeah, it probably would have hurt just as much.  BFNs suck, and IVF BFNs suck ten times as hard.  I hate this.  I got my ugly cry on and opened a bottle of my favorite wine from 45 North.  The holidays are going to suck, but at least I can drink through them.

The silver lining in all of this is that we also got 10 snowbabies out of this cycle.  We should be able to do a frozen embryo transfer (FET) early next year.

I'm not entirely sure whats next.  We've stopped all meds.  I go in for another blood draw Wed to see if my level is back to zero.  I should start my period soon, and I think I can start BCPs and then Lupron for our FET.  Hopefully I can run again for a little bit.  We have an appointment with the RE on January 3rd to figure out what went wrong and come up with a plan.

So watch out 2012, this is going to be our year.  I just can't wait any longer.

Inconclusive

I went in for my beta (blood pregnancy test) this morning.  I was in a meeting all afternoon, so it was kind of late by the time I could check my phone.  My nurse had left a voicemail to call her back (I already knew they wouldn't leave the results on a VM).  So I called back.  She said, "26."

My hCG level was 26.  This isn't good.  Today I am 17dpo (17 days past egg retrieval/ovulation), and 12dp5dt (12 days past 5 day transfer).  My level should have been a few hundred.  The nurse said that while this is quite a bit lower that what they would have expected, it doesn't give a definitive result.  The test was "inconclusive."

I hate that word.  Josh keeps trying to remind me that it isn't necessarily bad.  But hearing anything other than "You're pregnant!" on the phone today would have been a disappointment.

Maybe I have a "late implanter," or maybe my betas are just slow to rise.  I keep trying to think about all of those possibilities.  I go in Monday for another beta, hoping to see the number more than double.

This sucks.  This sucks so bad.  Two days ago we were completely overjoyed.  We have plans on how to tell our immediate families at Christmas.  My life is running in slow motion.  Sometimes I think Monday can't come fast enough because I need to hear that this baby is sticking around.... and then I'm afraid of what we might hear and I don't want Monday to come at all because right now I am pregnant and I don't want it to end.

I guess we are going to spend the weekend trying to distract ourselves with other Christmas activities and trying to not stress out.  Oh, and praying.  A lot.

The best Christmas present ever!

*I wrote this post the night we took this pregnancy test.  We would later find out this was a chemical pregnancy.  I guess I decided to keep the post anyway, since it is part of our journey and just further depicts the rollercoaster we are on.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Knocked up.  Bun in the oven.  With child.  In the family way.  Expecting.  Preggers.  Whatever you call it,

I'M PREGNANT!!!!!

Well, according to EPT anyway :)  I convinced Josh we needed to test.  I couldn't wait any longer.  So I  pulled out a digital when I got home from work.  Josh and I stood in front of the Christmas tree while the hourglass was turning, and turning, and turning.... and finally, after what seemed like forever, that magical word appeared.  For the first time in my life, I saw the word

Pregnant

Holy sh*t.  We hugged and cried while Lucy tried to figure out what was wrong.  Then we laughed, smiled, and cried some more.  After 20 months and 13 cycles, so many blank pregnancy tests, miles and miles driven to doctors appointments, countless shots and blood draws and ultrasounds.... we did it.  We made a baby!

 BEST CHRISTMAS PRESENT. EVER.

This wait is killing me.

Ugh!  The "2 week wait" is pure torture!  I mean, I've always been a little impatient during the 2ww, but everything is amplified 1,000 times during an IVF cycle.  I go in for my beta on Friday.  Which is really only 4 more days.  Josh doesn't want to test at home before then - he "trusts" the blood test and wants to wait.  Me?  I was ready to start peeing on sticks yesterday.  I have quite the little stash of tests - early response, digital, dollar store cheapies.....  I guess I just need to practice some serious self-control until Friday.

I did go in for a quick blood draw this morning.  My progesterone has gone up from 18 last Friday to 60 today!  And my estrogen is over 1,000.  Great numbers, so we just keep on course til beta-day-Friday.

Snowbabies!

We have snowbabies!  No, I'm not talking about some pretty figure in the snow or a collectible figurine.  I am talking about perfect, beautiful frozen embryos.

source

We are still waiting for the full report (I will pick it up on Monday) regarding quality and specifics, but we found out today that we have TEN embies in the cryo tank waiting for us when needed.  Josh and I are hopeful that this is enough to complete our family, but who knows how things will work out.  Only the very best blasts are frozen, and it is even possible that they waited until day 6 to freeze them, we will find out in the report.  So while we did lose a few of the 19 fertilized eggs we had along the way, we know that the ones that made it are thriving.

~~~~~~

Also, I went in for blood work this morning and found out that while my estrogen level was fine, my progesterone was a tad on the low side (18.5, then like to see it >20).  So I need to double my PIO shots.  PIO sucks.  It stands for Progesterone In Oil, and I take it as an intramuscular shot in my ass each morning.  (Josh is literally injecting peanut oil laced with progesterone into my butt.)  The oil is supposed to be more effective than suppositories (and less messy), but the issue is that the oil sits on your muscle.  It hurts like a bruise, and is just generally annoying.  Massaging the area and applying heat help some.  I was finally OK with the PIO, then today my RE doubled my dose from 1cc to 2cc/day.  Oh well, I'll get over it and Josh will just have to rub my ass a little more.

Are you allowed to laugh during IVF?

Because we try to every chance we get.  Remember how I said we had to wait a while yesterday?  Josh did some bouffant cap modeling:

First, we have the beret (or the comb-over, we couldn't decide):

Next up, is the duck bill:

And of course, the ever-popular mullet:

And last but not least, the afro:

Yes, we know we are dorks.  Josh can't believe I am posting this.  What, did he think I was taking pictures just for us?  Heck no!

Today, I am carrying our baby

Pregnant until proven otherwise, or PUPO as it is known on some message boards I visit.

Today we transferred a single, perfect blastocyst into my perfectly homey uterus to snuggle in for the next nine-ish months.  This blast was graded AA - "textbook perfect" my RE called it.  Josh and I are over-the-moon thrilled!

We even got to take home a few pics:  not many people can say they have a picture of themselves at 5 days post-conception:

This is a picture (I am not sure of the magnification) of the AA-grade blast we transferred

Overall, the transfer went very well today.  I had to have a full bladder, but I managed to drink just enough for the doctor but not too much to make me uncomfortable.  I had to have some blood drawn, and then we just waited around to be called back.

Josh had to gown up this time as well, since he did get to come back and hold my hand for the entire procedure.

I was pretty anxious.  I tried to wear fun socks for all my appointments; the nurses usually comment on how much they enjoy seeing all of the colorful and patterned socks people wear. You know, since that is ALL we are allowed to wear.

Our RE was very supportive of our decision to only transfer one.  It was perfect, and we have more very high quality blasts to freeze for future transfers.  Here is the blast is in my uterus after the transfer - yeah, that little white line right there:

Yes!! Baby inside!

After 30 minutes on my back after the procedure, I was sent home on modified bed rest for the next two days - I am to stay off my feet as much as possible.  Josh was told to take very good care of me, and he has certainly met that challenge!  In addition to taking care of Lucy today, Josh got me lunch, made dinner, baked cookies, and then cleaned up the kitchen.  All while I sat of the couch watching On-Demand movies with my feet up.  This has never happened before!!!  I love you, babe!

How many people does it take to make a baby?  In our case, a handful of nurses, the RE, and an embryologist.  Oh yeah, and me and Josh :)  When we decided we were ready to have a baby, we certainly never expected any of this. We are thrilled to have everything go so smoothly so far, as we know that many couples facing IVF incur many additional challenges along the way.  I cannot explain the feeling to know that our baby is possibly {hopefully} growing inside me at this very minute.  But I am still trying to be cautious with my optimism.  We are numbers people.  IVF success rates are not 100%.  We are looking at potential success somewhere around 60%, and that would be a little higher had we transferred two.  At this point, all I can do is take in easy and wait (while our blast implants and grows).  With fingers crossed and lots of prayers.

Transfer time, and one final question

My nurse called this afternoon, and our transfer is set for 9:45am on Sunday.  Eek! It is so weird to think that in two days, I will be pregnant, and that I know this piece of information.

I have been thinking about our embryos every day.  I pray they are growing strong.  I hope that all of the cells continue to multiply each day and that they are high enough quality to freeze.

And at home, the debate rages on:  1 or 2?  How many should we transfer?  Josh and I have discussed this from the day we decided to pursue IVF.  We started out saying that if we had one of the highest possible quality blastocysts and were doing a day 5 transfer, we would transfer one beautiful blast.  We are pretty sure our RE is going to recommend transferring two - he has a pretty aggressive approach to this process and he is a statistics guy.  I think (though I can't confirm either way) that the numbers show a slightly higher success rate when transferring more than one blast.  And put it this way, would we rather be pregnant with two babies or zero?  Well, that answer is easy (two).  But, we would still prefer a singleton pregnancy.  We will have more children in the future, so its not that we don't want more than one.  Josh and I are both on the same page on this one, just neither of us are sure what our final decision will be.  This is going to be a game time decision - we need to see exactly what quality blasts we are working with and talk to the doctor.  Then, we will just have to follow our hearts.

Fert Report

I mentioned yesterday how my ovaries were total rock-stars for this IVF, as they retrieved 27 eggs!  Turns out Josh had some pretty rock-star swimmers himself.  The nurse called with our fertilization stats today, so here is what he have:

27 eggs retrieved
21 of the 27 were mature
19 of the 21 fertilized with ICSI

So in some petri dish in a lab in Rochester, we have 19 tiny embryos growing.  How awesome is that!?!  Josh and I are hoping that they grow strong and we have enough to freeze such that we can complete our family with this group of embryos.  Embies for life, baby!

Egg Retrieval day

Today me and Lucy had our surgeries.  Things went REALLY well for both of us!!!

Lets start with the egg retrieval.  We triggered at midnight on Sunday for our noon appointment today.  I wasn't allowed to eat anything after midnight last night, so I stayed up late (for me) and had a nice little meal at about 11:45pm.  Then we slept in a little bit and left early to make a few quick shopping stops (an exchange, and to get some diet food for puppy) before getting to the REs office at 11:30.  We had to go to the Rochester campus, which is about 90 minutes away.

I got called back fairly quickly, changed, and a nurse prepped my IV.  Believe it or not, this was not only my first time under any kind on anesthesia, but it was also my first IV ever.

Everything crossed (pre-IV).  Hoping for a great retrieval!

They took my into the operating room, and Josh went off to do his thing.  He said the resources here were better than last time, I think he described them as "acceptable."  Lucky man, they even had videos.

Random tangent: There are some things about this process that suck, and there are other things you just get over.  The emotionally toll everything takes will never get old.  Needles and shots - I'm over it.  Doesn't bother me in the slightest anymore.  Laying on a table half naked with your legs spread in the air in front of a room full of people - I'm kind of over that too.  A little scary, I know.

So anyway, the nurse walks me into the OR and gets me situated on the table.  After the embryologist, RE, and anesthesiologist check my wrist-band to make sure they have the right person, I get a dose of the anesthesia.  I remember a nurse focusing a huge light on my crotch, then nothing.  I was out in literally seconds.  The next thing I knew, I was waking up in a recovery room.

Josh was still doing his thing (he had to wait a bit to go back, and my procedure only took about 20 minutes), so I just laid there in a dazed state for a while.  Soon Josh was sitting next to me again, and we talked for a bit.  Eventually I got some juice and crackers to munch on, and then they delivered the news:

27 eggs!

We were THRILLED.  Thank you, rock-star ovaries.  Thank you.

That is just so awesome.  We were hoping to get about 20, which would have been amazing, but 27 just made our day.  Now I'm definitely feeling it.  I was reminded again that the more eggs they take out, the higher the risk of OHSS.  So I just really need to take it easy these next couple days.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

On the way home, we got an update on puppy.  Her surgery went beautifully too!!    She was recovering well and awake.  The vet expects a full recovery :) 

The Puppy Doctor

I triggered last night, and if I thought I was uncomfortable toward the end of stims I had another thing coming.  I am sooo bloated, constipated, achy.... ugh.  I really hope we get a bunch of eggs tomorrow so I never have to do this again. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

But today, we have bigger things to take care of.  We had to take our baby to a specialist at Michigan State animal hospital.

Quick back story:  Sometime in September, Lucy started limping and favoring her left hind leg.  Seemed to get better, then worse again.  Took her to the vet.  Vet was worried about hip dysplasia so we got some meds and were ordered to keep her activity level down to see if it got better.  No dice, so we took her back two weeks later for x-rays.  Vet didn't think she had hip dysplasia, said to keep resting it.  Vet calls back 2 weeks later saying that she showed x-rays to some colleagues, and maybe Lucy does have dysplasia.  Referred us to a specialist at MSU who specializes in canine orthopedics (he is actually one of the best in the country).

So today, we hit the road nice and early to get to an 8:30am appointment in East Lansing.  We met with a vet student who took a history and did an exam.  He took the x-rays we brought to show the vet, and then we got to meet with the vet himself.  The vet checked out Lucy's leg for approximately 15 seconds and informed us she had a ruptured ACL.  According to him, her hips look great for a 2-year old.  Yeah, we were a little miffed at this point.

So, he recommended a TPLO surgery, and he could do it tomorrow.  We talked (for about 30 minutes actually), and since we were expecting Lucy to need surgery anyway (just not on her knee and not the next day) we decided to leave her there to have the operation.

I have been a mess all afternoon.  There are lots of tears.  I'm sure it is part hormones, but I can't stop worrying about my baby.  She must be super scared and she is all alone (an exaggeration I realize, but she isn't with us).  And no one will be there holding her paw when she wakes up from surgery tomorrow.  So I'll just keep her in my thoughts and prayers.  We really need to get her fixed up.  She has been sad since I stopped taking her on my runs and Josh stopped taking her to the dog park to play.  We just want our happy puppy back!

So tomorrow is puppy and mommy surgery day.  Say a little prayer for us!

Meet me in the parking lot

I had to go in for my last monitoring appointment today - yes, on a Sunday.  The RE wanted to check my progress one last time.  I met my nurse in the parking lot - she had to let me into the building since the doors were locked, and then we headed up to the office.

Everything looks good.  She still measured 13 follies on the right, many of which were 20mm or bigger.  She measured 11 follies on the left, but some weren't even 14mm yet, so she wasn't sure how many of those would mature by the retrieval.  Overall, I am hoping we get somewhere around 20 eggs, which would be amazing!

Our retrieval time is noon on Tuesday, which means we trigger at midnight tonight!

This turkey is not trotting.

It's 60 degrees and sunny today.  In Michigan.  On November 25th.  As a runner, having perfect running weather the day after the largest-calorie-meal-of-the-year should be a dream come true.  Unfortunately, this turkey is not running anywhere today.

I went in for my second monitoring appointment this morning (at 6:45!).  Everything is progressing along quite swimmingly: I have 11 follicles on the left, largest ~13mm, and 13 on the right with a few 15-16mm.  The nurse was very pleased with the progress, and said we are on track with a Tuesday retrieval.  She did warn that with so many follicles, I am at risk for OHSS, and reminded me that exercise or excessive twisting should be avoided.  I'm honestly feeling a little uncomfortable - I definitely feel my ovaries and experience some cramping on and off all day.  To explain a hidden double meaning in the post title, I'm also constipated (hahaha, I'm so clever).  The nurse says this is another common side effect as things get a little crowded in there, but it is important to help things along as much as possible since it will only get worse.

I go back in on Sunday for another ultrasound, and until then keep with the same dose of meds.  I'll spend the rest of today catching up on sleep lost from my Black Friday shopping adventure last night (not really worth the effort, but I wasn't shopping for that many things to begin with) and doing some more deal hunting online.

So far, so good

I had my first monitoring appointment today, after 5 days of stims (today is the morning of day 6 but I take my shots at night).  Things seem to be moving right along!

I wore some fun socks.  Maybe these will be my lucky socks this cycle!

The nurse started looking at my left ovary, and was a tad concerned.  She measured 7 follies, nothing was larger than 8mm.  She thought I may need to up my meds.  Then she looked at the right... Jackpot!  She measured 11 follies on the right, all between 8 and 14mm.  She is guessing we will stay on course, pending blood work results, and come in for another check on Friday.  But as for now.... so far, so good!

The time I did drugs in my car.

Lots of good stuff to post about today.  I met my friend Lauren for our annual shopping trip to Birch Run.  We usually have pretty good luck kicking off our Christmas shopping together sometime in mid-November.

I managed to pick up a few gifts this year, and I cherish the time we spend together chatting and catching up on things.  Lauren is getting married in June, so between the wedding and my treatments, we had plenty to talk about.


After we had dinner, I had to get down to business - it was stim shot time.  Since these injections are in my stomach, I have no issues doing them myself. I probably could have waited until I drove home, but wanted to be sure I was keeping things as consistent from day to day as possible.  So, I set up shop and did the shot before hitting the road:

I am hoping the guy that parked two spots over didn't call the cops when he saw me drawing up drugs from a vial into a syringe in my car.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

This was most likely my last good workout for a while, so I made sure to get in a few good quality runs.  Here is how the week looked with 18.7 miles:

Su 11/13: rest
M 11/14: 3.51 pace, 30:51, 8:48 pace
Tu 11/15: 5.28 easy, 48:16, 9:09 pace
W 11/16: 3.76 easy, 34:11, 9:05 pace
Th 11/17: Insanity Cardio Recovery and Cardio Abs 50:00 min
F 11/18: rest
Sa 11/19: 6.15 long, 57:51, 9:24 pace

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

And, I can't forget college football picks for the week:

 

10 pts: LSU over Ole Miss

9 pts: Oregon over USC

8 pts: Oklahoma over Baylor

7 pts: Florida State over Virginia

6 pts: Clemson over North Carolina

5 pts: Ohio St over Penn St

4 pts: Miami (FL) over South Florida

3 pts: Michigan over Nebraska

2 pts: Iowa over Purdue

1 pt: Rutgers over Cincinnati

Update: NOT a good week.  I managed 19 points, which was 2nd highest in our group and moved me into 3rd place just ahead of Josh.  The entire group had a dismal week with all of these upsets.

Good thing I'm not trypanophobic (afraid of needles)

Today I went in for my baseline ultrasound, and everything looked good.  No cysts, so we are good to start stims (meds to stimulate my ovaries to produce more than one lead follicle/egg) tonight. 
My baseline blood work (for my records):
Estrogen: 36
FSH: 2.1
LH 0.9
Progesterone: <0.2

And tonight, shot time.  I am rather lucky in that I can mix my meds (4 vials) all into one shot.  Some ladies have to take many shots a day, I have one short skinny needle that I can stick in the flabby part of my stomach (sub-cutaneous).  Not bad at all.

It took me about 15 minutes tonight, but I was reading the instructions every step of the way.  Josh handles all the shots that go in my ass, but I figure I would handle these.  It wasn't so bad, and I'm sure I will get more efficient at it.  I've never given myself a shot before, but once I got over the initial hesitation, everything was fine.  Only 9 (or maybe less) more nights to go!  (Of stims.  I think I will be getting a shot every day for the next two months or so...)

40 weeks from today

will be my estimated due date  if I get pregnant.  I officially started cycle #13 (19 months) of trying-to-conceive today, which will be our first IVF cycle.  We hope to be celebrating the birth of our child in late August next year!

I go in for baseline testing tomorrow, and should start stims tomorrow night.

IVF "training"

Today we went in for our "nurse's appointment" for IVF.  Some clinics make you go through a class or training, ours does a private 1-hour session with the nurse.  Love this.

This is going to be a fairly boring post, but I do want to document our visits and protocol this time around.

Our nurse started out discussing our protocol with us:  I will get a shot of Lupron Depot for suppression today.  The Lupron will prevent me from ovulating on my own during the IVF cycle.  My RE uses this depot shot, which means I will only need 1 shot (vs. a daily dose) and there is a delayed release of the medicine.  This doesn't appear to be a very popular protocol from my research, but my RE uses it exclusively in long-Lupron protocols and has great success.  And, who am I to complain about a few less shots at home?

After I start my period next week, I will go in for a baseline ultrasound and blood work to verify I don't have any cysts and check my estrogen level, among other things.  Then I start "stims" - I will be on 150iu (2 vials each) of Bravelle - a follicle stimulating hormone - and Menopur - which stimulates FSH and luteinizing hormone (LH).  I can combine these 4 vials into one shot which is great.  I will have to give myself a shot in the belly for 10 days, while they monitor my progress via blood work and ultrasound on days 5/7/9.

Then, when my follicles are ready, I will take a shot of hCG to trigger ovulation and go in for egg retrieval 36 hours later.  The mature eggs will be fertilized via ICSI, and then we will go in for blastocyst transfer 5 days after the retrieval.  I will be under anesthesia for the ER (technically sedation), but awake for the transfer.  While they are doing the ER procedure, Josh goes to give his sample.  Both of these visits take place in the Rochester office (still performed by my RE), which is about an hour and 15 minutes drive for us.  Oddly enough, its only about 2 miles from my brother and sister-in-laws house.

Whew.  That was long, sorry.  But that is nothing compared to all the paperwork we had to sign.  Obviously we we made aware of all the fees - sign.  How many embryos are we willing to transfer - sign.  What about selective reduction - sign.  And should we both die while we still have embryos frozen, what happens to them (what?  now we need to work on a will) - sign.  Willing to use donor sperm (no) - sign.  And I think there were a few more pages too, but this was heavy shit.  It definitely feels all grown up and real now.

We learned some cool things: like if I am pregnant, I will be monitored by blood work and ultrasound every other week through the first trimester.  That's 5-6 ultrasounds!  Many women don't get to see their baby that many times in their whole pregnancy!  Definitely one of the few pluses to IVF.
And we learned some not-so-cool things: like I am on activity restriction not only through the IVF procedure, but throughout the entire first trimester!!  Yikes!  What exactly am I allowed to do?  Walking and prenatal yoga.  Wow, I'm gonna be bored!  Apparently not only is the risk of OHSS high after ER, but that risk persists for a while since my follicles are likely to re-fill with fluid, leaving my ovaries large for a while until it can all drain.  The risk of doing too much activity is torsion - the ovaries can twist since they are free-floating in the abdomen which has serious complications. So, I guess I'm officially sidielined for what I hope is approximately 3 months.

After all of that, the nurse showed us how to mix our injections.  I brought our box-o-meds, so she went through all of it with us.  It will take a little time, but it doesn't seem so bad.  Then she gave me my shot of Lupron, and off we went.

My emotions are definitely a little all over the place today.  Nervous, excited, scared, anxious.  But mostly, I'm hopeful for what will be waiting for us at the end of this crazy journey.

Ever wonder what $2,572 of fertility drugs looks like?

Oh $HIT.

Oh yeah, and this doesn't include $800 of Lupron I need.  My RE's office is kindly donating our Lupron this cycle since they have some on hand and it wasn't covered by my insurance.  (Actually, none of this was yet - I need to submit a separate claim to my health insurer, who is separate from my prescription drug coverage, and I *think* it will get covered, but who knows how long that might take.)

We don't start for a couple weeks yet, but we have a nurse's appointment next week where we learn to do all of the injections, and the details of the protocol, and sign a million papers.  I wanted to have all of this stuff for that appointment so the nurse could go through it with us.  (By the way, I just have to say how much I LOVE the nurses at my clinic - they are so nice and patient!)

Eeek!  This is getting more and more real every day!