Saturday, July 30, 2011

Get 'er Done

This post is a bunch of random stuff, so stick with me.

I set my alarm nice and early again this morning to beat the heat on my 14-miler.  I have to admit, I liked training for a spring marathon better than training for a fall race, even though I spent about a month on the treadmill in February.  The summer heat just makes fitting in the miles a little more challenging.  I actually felt good this morning and the run went by pretty quick. 

I ran of total of 29.26 miles this week - I'm happy to see these totals climbing a little bit.
M 7/25: 7.03 pace, 1:01:30, 8:45 pace
Tu 7/26: 4.03 easy, 37:04, 9:12 pace
W 7/27: Rest
Th 7/28: 4.12 easy, 37:31, 9:06 pace
F 7/29: NRoLFW Stage 3, Workout A-4
S 7/30: 14.08 long, 2:15:36, 9:38 pace

I followed up the run with a Berry Protein Shake, Green Monster style.  Yep, just add some spinach, and I PROMISE you won't taste it!
Frozen berries (strawberries, blueberries, raspberries, and blackberries), 1 scoop protein powder, almond milk, and a few handfuls of spinach

Then this afternoon, I braved the heat and went blueberry picking.
It took me about 50 minutes to pick 5 lbs of berries, and I was dripping with sweat when I was done.  The owner said he usually has berries until mid-September, so I might try to go back in a few weeks on a day when its a little cooler.
I froze a huge tray of these berries, and I think tomorrow I'll make a big batch of healthy blueberry muffins :)

Tuesday, July 26, 2011

"Bad Morphology"

I came across a really interesting blog the other day, though I don't know how credible the author, Dr. Licciardi, is.  This post in particular led me to the blog.

In this post, Dr. Licciardi explains how the classification of sperm has evolved.  He states that since Dr. Kruger introduced "strict criteria" for classifying sperm morphology, andrologists have been pickier and pickier in their classification.  He claims that the average morphology numbers are actually in the range of 2-6% and almost every male is below the target cutoff of 14%.  In his next blog post, Dr. Licciardi claims that abnormal sperm can fertilize eggs and make babies.

So what does this mean?  I have no idea, but maybe Josh is more average than we thought.

Monday, July 25, 2011

Bleeding Blue

Literally (well, almost).  This post has nothing to do with my alma mater, the University of Michigan, or my ESPN screen name BleedingBlue05.  I had a HSG today.
Yes, you needed to see this.  Please ignore the goofy look on my face, I'm about to laugh at how ridiculous we are sometimes.

HSG = hysterosalpingogram, or basically an x-ray of my uterus and fallopian tubes.  My RE injected a blue dye into my uterus and fallopian tubes via a catheter with a small balloon on the end.  Then the radiologist took an x-ray of my abdomen – we were able to see the images immediately, and my RE declared everything looks great!  We could see the dye fill my uterus and fallopian tubes and "leak" out each ovary.  Yea !  The first fertility exam we’ve passed!  My uterus is of normal size and shape and both tubes are open and unobstructed.  And since what goes is must come out…. I’ll be “bleeding” blue for the next day or two.

Josh got to stay with me for the entire procedure.  It was nice to have him there.  Doesn’t he look stunning in his lead apron?
Ok, so maybe we are a little wierd for taking pics in the xray room.  But it was all I could do to get Josh to drop Angry Birds....

The procedure wasn’t overly painful, but there were moments of extreme discomfort.  I was actually shocked at how quick it was – I had an 11:00 am appointment, but was asked to be there a half hour early.  We waited about 10 minutes before being called back, and the nurse had me all prepped and waiting on the table by about 10:50.  The doctor showed up just before 11:00, and we were walking back to the car at 11:15.  I’ve had some cramping on and off all afternoon (I didn’t go back to work), but it can’t be that bad since I managed to get in a 7-mile pace run this evening (7.03 mi, 1:01:30, 8:45 pace).  I don’t feel quite so bad about laying around on the couch all afternoon watching junk TV – like 13 Going on 30, which is only bearable because I like Jennifer Garner.

Anyways, first successful fertility test.  We will proceed with another round of Clomid as soon as this cycle ends.  On a positive note, I have read that birth control pills should shrink any cysts on my ovaries and yield more even-growing follicles next cycle.  Still trying to find the positives each step of the way…..

Sunday, July 24, 2011

Christmas (shopping) in July

I've officially started my Christmas shopping!  It sort of happened by accident, but I found a few things I couldn't pass up at the Ann Arbor Art Fairs yesterday, so a few gifts were purchased.

I met my friend Lauren at about 9:30, and after finding free parking in Ann Arbor (yea!), we got started walking around.  The AA "Art Fair" is actually four separate art fairs, combined into one big event.  There is the Ann Arbor Street Art Fair, the Original; the Ann Arbor Summer Art Fair; the State Street Area Art Fair; and the Ann Arbor South University Art Fair. 

I seriously have a lot of color this summer, but I always look so damn white!

There are a lot of great artists there, and also many that just aren't our style.  But it is fun to look and walk around, and we had a chance to talk and catch up, mostly about weddings (hers) and the lack of babies (me).  Many of the stores in Ann Arbor also have a lot of great sales, so we walked through some of those as well.

We stopped in Amer's Deli for a lunch break, and because we needed a break from the 90+ degree heat for a while.  We split a yummy veggie sandwich (love avocado!) and a side of fattoush salad.  The we each got a Yogurt Rush - why do we not have these kind of places in Bay City?  This tangy frozen yogurt is awesome: 29 cal/oz for the original flavor, and then you can top with whatever you want - fruit, crushed candy, etc., etc.  It was REALLY good.  (I forgot to take a picture of mine, which might just be enough reason to go back and get another one!)

And today.... back to the pavement.  We are still experiencing a "heat wave" here, which is rather uncomfortable considering the humidity we have to deal with as well.  So, I set my alarm for 6:00 am on a Sunday to try and get the run in before I melted.  It was overcast, and I only had 9 miles to do (another step-back week), so it was really a pretty good run.  Which still doesn't mean I went fast or anything.

So, with a total of 22.51 miles, here is how the week looked:
S 7/17: P90X Yoga X, 60 min (I really needed to stretch out a little, this felt great!)
M 7/18: 3.28 easy, 31:22, 9:34 pace
Tu 7/19: NRoLFW Stage 3, Workout A-3
W 7/20: 6.30 pace, 56:41, 9:00 pace
Th 7/21: Rest
F 7/22: NRoLFW Stage 3, Workout B-3; HIIT Intervals 2.3 mi, 20:00, 8:32 pace; 1.03 easy, 8:53, 8:43 pace
S 7/23: Rest, but did a LOT of walking at the art fairs
S 7/24: 9.60 long, 1:32:40, 9:39 pace


Thursday, July 21, 2011

So is it 10, or 12?

I thought this article welcoming Nebraska to the Big Ten by Rick Reilly was pretty good ("Cornfrontation" - had me laughingout loud!).  And it made me excited for college football all over again.

Starting this fall Nebraska and Colorado are leaving the Big 12 the join the Big Ten and PAC-10, respectively.
So the Big Ten now has 12 teams. (Though it has had 11 since Penn State joined years ago.)
And the Big 12 now has 10 teams.
This is just meant to confuse those learning to count.

I think they need to work on their logo a little more.  (And the division names, I really hate the division names).  I really don't understand why they are trying to make the I and G in BIG look like a 10, since TEN is still the second word.  And there aren't 10 teams, there are 12.  So I just don't get it (though if there were ever 16 teams, the G does look like a 6).  This one isn't as bad:


I don't have any logos of my own to share, but I hope that some marketing kid at one of these schools comes up with something.  I know if I were a marketing professor, my final assignment in all of my classes would be to figure out what to do with the Big 10 to 12 teams mess and come up with a new logo and division names.

I am kind of excited about the conference playing an extra game and determining a champion.  I would like to see them add two more teams in the future, but this is a fine place to start.  I hated the divisional split at first, but I've started to come around.  In any given year, it could play very lopsided, but that happens (look at the Big 12 last year).  They did protect the Michigan-OSU game, but in the future I could see them playing back-to-back weekends.  (Yes, I said in the future.....  both schools have some rebuilding to do.) 

A little more than 7 weeks to go, and we start the era of Hoke.  GOOOO BLUE!

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Hot, Hot, Hot!

I know, it could be so much worse.  I'm lucky I only live in Michigan!

Essy (our Escape) said it was way too hot to run this afternoon!

I suppose the treadmill is one popular way to get a workout in and beat the heat.  While I do run on the treadmill, its not my favorite.  So to get my 6-mile pace run in today, I woke up at 5 AM and got running before the sun came up. (and it was still 72'F out)

It was even too early for Lucy!

It was very peaceful (listening to the hum of air conditioners everywhere), but it was still a sweat-fest in no time because of how humid it was.  I'm glad I got this in today, because with the low tonight being 79'F, I think tomorrow is a great rest day.

Some mornings I make a protein shake to take into work, and I usually have one after long runs on the weekend.  Today I made myself a Chocolate-Peanut Butter-Banana-Protein-Green Monster-Smoothie.  As Josh put it, "That looks disgusting."  I know, but its sooooo good!  And I promise, you do NOT taste the spinach!  Its just bonus veggies - you are getting all the nutrients (in the raw state) and you don't even know you are eating them. 
There is no real recipe here, I just throw everything into my magic bullet mug.  You can laugh at the Magic Bullet blender all you want, but it is so nice and small, I can leave it on my counter top and use it all the time!

Blend together:
Frozen banana, I only used a half, and then some additional ice
1 Tbsp peanut butter, I use the all natural stuff that Josh hates because it separates
~1 cup milk, I use almond milk to cut down on the calories, and Dark Chocolate is a special treat (I usually use regular unsweetened)
Whey protein powder, chocolate variety (I use 1 scoop after a workout, but only a 1/2 scoop on non-workout mornings)
Stuff as much spinach in as will fit

I'll post the berry variety later (its easy though:  frozen berries, protein powder, milk, spinach).  That version looks even greener!

Saturday, July 16, 2011

Angry Birds

I finally broke down a got a smart phone once I heard Verizon was going to discontinue their unlimited data plans (I started my contract just-in-time).  My mom beat me to it, she got a smart phone a few days before I did.  Dammit, I swore I would try to stay cooler than my mother.  At least I beat her to Facebook.

I will admit, I really like my Droid (Incredible 2 if you were wondering).  I didn't think I'd use that much data, but I definitely do.  And so does Josh.....  he has totally admitted the Droid is WAY cooler than his blackberry and I catch him on my phone all the time.  Rollerball shmolerball, the touch screen is where its at, yo.  I downloaded Angry Birds while we were stuck waiting at our RE appointment on Monday, and Josh is quickly becoming quite the pro while I haven't even tried to play yet!  I must get on this, since I hear via Kate that William is also a fan.

Back to things that really matter.... just kidding.  I had 12 scheduled for my long run today.  I woke up at 6am on a Saturday (of course this is the day Lucy wants to sleep in...) so I could get started before 7:00.  I ran the rail trail loop though the south end of Bay City and along the Riverwalk for a mile or so.  It was a pretty good run to end the week, if finished with 24.59 miles on the road and another 3.5 on the elliptical.  Here's the details:

S 7/10: Rest
M 7/11: NRoLFW Stage 3, Workout A2; 30:00 Elliptical, 3.5 mi
Tu 7/12: 3.11 easy, 28:45, 9:15 pace
W 7/13: 6.29 easy, 58:59, 9:23 pace
Th 7/14: Rest
F 7/15: NRoLFW Stage 3, Workout B2; HIIT Intervals 2.1 mi, 18:00, 8:34 pace; 1.04 easy, 9:32, 9:09 pace
S 7/16: 12.05 long, 1:57:31, 9:45 pace

Thursday, July 14, 2011

NRoLFW...hat??????

Yeah, say that 10 times fast.  What the heck am I talking about?

The New Rules of Lifting for Women


This is what I've been up to in the gym.  I started the program last summer, but work got busy and I backed off it for a while.  I started up again in May, and am currently in Stage 3 of 7.  The program takes roughly 6 months at 2-3 workouts per week (I've been on the low end given my running.)  Regardless of the fact that I haven't compelted the program, I thought I'd share my thoughts on the book.  (So don't take this too seriously.)

First of all, I think women need to lift heavy, but are often afraid to.  Screw the 5-pound dumbbell bicep curls.  Lou uses the first part of the book to explain that women's muscles will not get as big as a man's, but in order to get them bigger and stronger you still need to overload them with progressively heavier weights.  The second part of the book focuses on eating/dieting.... I haven't really followed this part, but diet is probably the most important thing you can change to transform your body (note to self...  put down the candy!).  He outlines the importance of protein while building muscle.  He also includes some meal plans, which I also have not tried.  The third portion of the book details all of the workout programs (by Alwyn Cosgrove), divided into 7 stages, with descriptions and pictures of all the exercises. 

Yes, I am so awesome I thought I needed to take a pic of myself flexing in the mirror and share it with you

I really like that the workouts focus on compound exercises, ones that work more than one muscle group at a time (no bicep curls here!).  We are talking squats, deadlifts, planks.  Each workout is a total body workout.  I love this type of structure to my gym visits, I can stay focused and on-track (the rest intervals are even timed out for you), and it also makes using the free weights and cable machines less intimidating (Am I using this right?  What should I do now?).  I don't think this book is for complete weightlifting beginners, but I also don't think it is too advanced.  I keep track of all my weights and reps so that I can continue to improve the next workout.

I have tried a few different weightlifting routines in the past, including Tabata-style lifting and P90X.  I like all of these programs for different reasons.  The most important thing to me is variety, so I plan to keep mixing it up every so often.

Having said all of that... I think I am going to take a break from NRoLFW after Stage 3.  As Lou explains in the book, this type of program contradicts any type of endurance training you may be doing, which includes marathon training.  Here you are trying to build your muscles up, while long distance running leans them out.  Since I like to keep things balanced, I think I will just focus on running for a while (with a little P90X video here and there to add some strength training), and will pick the weights back up come fall.

Monday, July 11, 2011

Isn't it ironic, don't you think?

We had our follow-up with the RE today.  And I left with a prescription for birth control pills.  Seriously, this guy knows we are trying to get pregnant, right?  Someone needs to tell him how these things work.

Ok, so in all seriousness... here's the deal.  We have been diagnosed with multiple-cause infertility. 
Me: anovulation (PCOS still not confirmed)
Josh: male factor infertility (MFI) - low morphology.

Josh's semen analysis came back, here are the results:
(don't know total volume, forgot to ask)
37.5 mil sperm / cc (>20 mil/cc is normal)
57% motility (>50% motile is normal)
5% morphology (using the "strict" method, meaning that something more like >14% would be normal)

There seems to be a lot of variation in the medical community in how morphology is measured, but our doc's lab uses the Krueger criteria, and therefore 5% is low.  Low enough to warrant a MFI diagnosis.  

But all hope is not lost.  We aren't ready for IVF yet, since we have only had 3 legitimate cycles where I've ovulated, and only had good timing on one of those.  The swimmers really just haven't had a fair chance yet.  We still need to make sure my tubes are open, so I have a HSG (hysterosalpingogram) scheduled in 2 weeks.  Since I'm already on CD7, this will be a break cycle (which also allows for the HSG test), and I'll take the BCP to keep things regular and keep any potential cysts on my ovaries in control.  I'm not crazy about taking the month off, but it makes the most sense. 

Then, we will continue with a few Clomid cycles.  I have ovulated (albeit late) on the 150 mg dose, so we will stick with that.  I'll start Clomid on CD3 for earlier response, and the RE office will monitor progress regularly for Josh and I to do timed intercourse.  (With the low morphology, doc doesn't feel as though the chances really increase with an IUI over intercourse.)  We have two cycles, then we need to consider other options.  (My RE limits patients to 6 cycles on Clomid due to some evidence of increased ovarian cancer beyond that.)  We will then most likely talk injectable drugs or IVF.

So, we have a plan, for now.  I am really trying to accept the fact that this process will just not be fast for us.  And I am trying to stay positive that when the time is right, God will give us the child(ren) we so desperately want.

*********
On a lighter note.... curious how our predictions from last week turned out?

JV Actual Line: 7.2 IP, 1ER, 7H, 2BB, 8K, L - its always tough to take a 1-0 loss :(
Josh Prediction: 8 IP, 1 ER, 4 H, 2 BB, 8 K, No Decision
Nikki Prediction: 7 1/3 IP, 3 ER, 8 H, 1 BB, 7 K, Win
Edge: JOSH

Josh Actual Line: ? volume, 37.5 mil/cc, 57% motility, 5% morphology (strict)
Josh Prediction: 1.7 mL, 35 mil total sperm, 68% motility, 3% morphology (we used a different basis)
Nikki Prediction: 2.25 mL, 33 mil total sperm, 63% motility, 4% morphology
Edge: EVEN (really, neither of us were that close)

And if you care to know, Josh said the facility (a stool in a bathroom) and the materials (Playboys from 1993) were totally inadequate.  "Things have changed since then," he said. 

Yep, that's a good place to stop for tonight ;)

Saturday, July 9, 2011

Sign Me Up!

Look out southeast Michigan, here I come!  I am now registered for the Crim Fitness Foundation's 10-mile race on August 27th, and the Brooksie Way half-marathon on October 2nd.  I LOVE having races on the calendar (these were on the calendar, now they are just more official), it gives me a concrete goal to train for and I generally hold myself more accountable to my running.


The Crim is a 10-mile race in Flint.  I ran the race in 2009 with a time of 1:37:44.  With that being the only 10-mile race I've run, I have no doubt that a PR is achievable this year.  Tentatively, my goal is a sub 1:30, but I will re-evaluate closer to the race.  The course is known for being hilly, but I didn't think it was too bad last time.

The Brooksie Way half starts on the campus of Oakland University and runs through downtown Rochester and Rochester Hills before returning to Meadowbrook Hall via some (mostly paved) trails.  This race is pegged as very hilly, and quite challenging.  I'm not setting a goal for this one yet, we'll see how marathon training goes and if I just decide to use this as a training run or really race it.  My brother and sis-in-law live in Rochester, so travel for this one should be a breeze!

I don't intend to change anything from my current marathon training plan to accommodate these races, they should fit in nicely (I may have to add a few additional miles after the Crim).  I plan to run a few of my shorter runs over the bridges near home to add in some hills where I can.

Speaking of training, I got an 11 mile long run in this morning, mostly on the rail trail out to the State Park and back.  Ugh - my legs felt SO heavy and tired this morning.  This entire run was a battle; my pace was much slower than desired and I was taking quite a few breaks, but at least I got the miles in.  I got started early to try and finish before the heat kicked in, but the sun was high enough on the horizon for the second half to make it pretty warm.  And now, I am sitting on the couch writing this blog while I ice my legs and enjoy a protein shake :)

Week 4 of marathon training down; here's how it shaped up with 24.28 miles running and 4.0 on the bike:

S 7/3: Rest (Up north)
M 7/4: 3.9 easy, 36:32, 9:22 pace
Tu 7/5: NRoLFW Stage 3, Workout A-1
W 7/6: 6.23 pace, 54:44, 8:47 pace
Th 7/7: NRoLFW Stage 3, Workout B-1; 3.12 intervals (1.2 mi with Lucy, then 1:00 sprint, 2:00 recovery x 5), 26:59, 8:39 pace
F 7/8: Biked to work, 4.0 miles total, 21:55, 10.9 mph
S 7/9: 11.03 long, 1:50:09, 9:59 pace

Tuesday, July 5, 2011

Justin Verlander is Awesome

JV is totally rockin' my world right now.  Hasn't lost since April 27th.  No-hitter against Toronto in May.  Tied for the major-league lead with 11 wins.  All-Star (would probably start for the AL, but he won't be available).  AL Pitcher of the Month for June, where he went 6-0 with a 0.92 ERA.  Wowza.

And for those not watching Tigers games almost every night, have you seen the Justin Verlander capes handed out last Sunday?  I want one!  I would totally wear this while watching JV pitch, just for added luck of course.
To be clear, this isn't Josh, just some random guy named Evan willing to post this pic on the internet.
Oh, and the time stamp on the pic is wrong.  These capes are totally 2011. 

Josh and I do this thing where we predict the Tigers' starting pitcher's line for the game.  We don't do this every night, just sometimes, but we also don't miss too many JV starts.  We just play for bragging rights.  Here are the predictions for tonight:

Tuesday night JV line:
Josh: 8 IP, 1 ER, 4 H, 2 BB, 8 K, No Decision
Nikki: 7 1/3 IP, 3 ER, 8 H, 1 BB, 7 K, Win

And since we are TOTAL weirdos, we thought we would have some fun with Josh's semen analysis that he is going in for tomorrow.  Like I said.... weird.  I know.  But we have to have fun with this somehow.  Guesses were based on the Wikipedia "normal."

Wednesday morning Josh SA line:
Josh: 1.7 mL, 35 mil total sperm, 68% motility, 3% morphology
Nikki: 2.25 mL, 33 mil total sperm, 63% motility, 4% morphology

Both our guesses would put Josh in the normal category, which is what we are going for.  We should get the results on Friday, or at our follow-up appointment on Monday.

Yes, I know..... W.E.I.R.D.

Cycle 9

I cried at work today.  Gah! 

All because I needed these:

And the thing is, I knew it was coming.  My temp dropped this morning, I've had zero symptoms, and I just felt it.  But it was still hard.  Here we go again.  We have a follow-up with the RE on Monday, so hopefully we can determine the protocol for this cycle then.  We should have Josh's SA results by then too, to help with the decision.

Oh, and March 14th?  Its now April 18th. 

Monday, July 4, 2011

Happy Puppy

This weekend was G.R.E.A.T.  I had a four day break from work, we saw some fireworks in Bay City on Friday, and headed "Up North" on Saturday after my run.  Lucy actually went swimming!  (Although labs are generally water dogs, last summer Lucy wanted absolutely NOTHING to do with the lake.  She hated it.)  I have so many pictures, so its best if I just share some and narrate along the way.

We started at Grammy's place on Wixom Lake.  Josh's sister and her boyfriend were there as well, with Lucy's cousin Hank.  We had lots of good food and good company, and Josh and I even won a few rounds of bocce ball :)
Me, Josh and Lucy (who isn't that great in posing for family pictures)

 
Josh with his mom and sister

It took a little coaxing, but Josh and Sarah managed to convince Lucy to give the lake a chance.  A little boost was all she needed.... she was swimming and prancing around in no time!

 

 Lucy and Hank had a BLAST playing together, in the water and in the yard.

And they totally tired each other out.  There was plenty of relaxing had by all this weekend.

On Sunday, we headed up to Josh's dad's cabin at Higgins Lake to enjoy the day with that side of the family.  First, Lucy had to test out that lake too:

Its become an annual event that Bill and Elaine invite this guy up to sing - its essentially one gigantic block party.
 Larry, of Larry & Darryl

 It may not look like it, but Grandpa was really enjoying himself (that is Larry's girlfriend)!

Party puppy!  Lucy was a hit - she got a call-out from Larry and got to dance center-lawn.

We left just after dark to head back to Wixom to spend some more time with Sarah before her move to New Orleans.  Monday was a relaxed day with more swimming:

 Lucy and Hank played fetch in the water

This is Lucy's finest alligator impression

It was such a great weekend, and we had a very happy puppy.  Can't wait to find another free weekend to head up north, and do it all again.

Saturday, July 2, 2011

Baby, you're a firework!

Last night we went downtown to enjoy the Bay City fireworks.  There are actually shows on Thursday and Friday leading up to the BIG show on Saturday.... which is one of the best in the state and the best I've ever seen.  We will be up north this year, so we decided to go see one of the smaller shows to still get our firework on.
 chillin' on the hill


passing time by checking on the Tigers game

I was using our new camera, on manual mode, so excuse the craptastic pics

The show was ok, but they obviously save the best for Saturday.  But, it wasn't crowded at all and we parked relatively close.

I got my long run in this morning before we head up north.  It was pretty warm and very humid, even at 7 am.  But with that hot and sticky mess, week 3 of marathon training is complete. 19.95 miles.  This was a step-back week, but the mileage picks up again next week.  Here's what it looked like:

S 6/26: Rest (lots of family stuff)
M 6/27: NRoLFW Stage 2, Workout B4; HIIT intervals 2.26 mi, 20:00 min, 8:51 pace
Tu 6/28: 3.36 easy, 29:57, 8:55 pace
W 6/29: Rest (SWE event in the evening)
Th 6/30: 5.01 pace, 44:08, 8:49 pace (late run, very warm)
F 7/1: 3.07 easy, 27:54, 9:06 pace
S 7/2: 6.25 long, 1:00:23, 9:40 pace (hot and humid)

Oh yeah, I peed on a stick this morning.  Big Fat Negative at 10 days-post-ovulation.  But that is why they call it the two-week wait...  its could just be too early still.  Oh well, we will be up north for the next couple days, so I can't get too test happy.