Maybe I jinxed it

I was talking myself into pregnancy symptoms this time around.  But then a negative pregnancy test yesterday was confirmed by a blood test today.  Not pregnant.

Exhaustion: Guess I just stayed up too late a few too many night this week watching the Tigers games that started at 8:37 pm and lasted a ridiculous 4 plus hours most of the time
Heartburn: Probably that buffalo chicken wrap that was way spicier than I remember
Lack of breakout: Oh wait, that still happened, just a few days later than usual

I guess that's not that many symptoms after all.  Maybe I jinxed the whole thing, not once but twice:

Last Saturday, I saw a killer deal on Baby Legs - they were offering 75% off a purchase of $75 or more, and shipping is free if you spend over $30.  This is an awesome price on these oh-so-cute little legwarmers that are usually way overpriced at $10-$12 each, so at $2.50-$3, I figured I would stock up.  Guess what showed up on our porch on Friday:

Aren't they so stinking cute?!??  If I don't get a baby soon I might have to try these on Lucy...

And then on Friday, after the pee test but before the news was confirmed by the doctor, I stopped at Target on my way home from work to see if I could get any good deals with the $3 off any Liz Lange maternity item coupons I had.  Look what I found, all for less than $10:

Jeans(!) for $4.48,  khaki shorts for $3.24, and purple racerback tank for $1.98,.  Not bad!!!

So I know that I am ridiculous.  I obviously didn't jinx this non-pregnancy.  And I've spent $40 on pregnancy and baby related things this week (but in my defense, that stuff is worth over $210!!!).  But I've still been crying all night.

I never in a million years thought I would be in this position.  After we were dating for a while, Josh would tell me he wanted 12 kids - Cheaper by the Dozen is still his favorite kid movie.  He was half-joking (I think), but once I told him, "We don't even know if we can have kids together."  (Heck, maybe I jinxed the whole thing back then....)  But I didn't mean it.  Those words haunt me now.  I never really thought we would have a problem.  And here we are, trying to figure out what to do next.

This weekend, Josh and I have to talk about IVF.  Are we ready?  Is that the step we want to take?  We have delayed this decision as long as possible, continuing to try Clomid even though our RE said the likelihood of success was low.  There is the financial side to consider as well. [Ugh, I could write an entire rant about this alone - my friend gets a boob job covered by insurance and it could cost us thousands to conceive a baby.  Viagra is covered by many insurance companies, but Clomid or hCG - not covered.  Ugh!]  It might sound ironic to ask for prayers as we make this decision, given the church's stance on ART and all, but we sure could use them.