The Waiting Game

This was our conversation last night:
Me: Honey, why aren't you the one to bring up having a baby very much anymore?  You used to always initiate the baby conversations.
Josh: I don't have a chance.  Its all you ever talk about.
Me: Oh.

Its amazing how wanting a baby consumes my mind.  I think it has to do with all the waiting.... cycles take so long, this 2-week-wait feels like an eternity and it hasn't even been a week yet, and then in our case, it repeats month after month with a big fat negative.  I have always been somewhat impatient, that is nothing new.  Amazingly, I still have a very optimistic outlook - I am practically planning Baby's first birthday .  (Actually,  last weekend I did essentially plan Baby's baptism for next summer.  You know, if we have a baby in March.  Oy.)  Tonight, I have already done a little reading on breastfeeding (definitely the plan), some cloth diaper research (definitely considering it), and read a few birth stories (that is the one thing I'm NOT planning yet - barely even thinking about it!).

Besides the waiting, I think the hardest part is not really having anyone to talk to about what we are going through.  Very few of our friends have children/are having children yet.  And infertility isn't exactly the type of thing that comes up in conversation.  Its not like I'm walking around wearing this:

And I don't really want to talk to my family too much, cuz I want to surprise them when we do get the good news.  Hence the blog.  Eventually others will read these posts and that is just fine but for now, its my little outlet.